My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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