Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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