you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
