one might say we're banned from that church
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
