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Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I think my fart just growled at me.
you would pick up someone in the library
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
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