Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
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Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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