may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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