I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Randomize
