Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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