You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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