Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
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Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
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