I haven't been this sober since birth.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Randomize
