I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
