ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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