I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
