Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
