Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Randomize
