i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
