watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
