I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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