I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
