I never want to see another naked old woman again.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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