i jhust puked up my retainher.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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