So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
