I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
