I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
