I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.