its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"