At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
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Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
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We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.