I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.