you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She swung at the pinata with crutches
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize