Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
