Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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