Tell her she can't have a vagina
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Randomize
