it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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