I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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