My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
