I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY