My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party