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Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
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