Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
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this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
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I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
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eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME