I think I won the penis lottery.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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