i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
