He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
