this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
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Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
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Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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