she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I'm at about main and main street
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
