I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
