Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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