Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
