I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
