It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
