Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
