there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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