CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Randomize
