Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
