Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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