i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
