Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
