Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
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For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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