Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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